A flood of myriad feelings envelope me. Things seem so askew sometimes that I don’t feel my usual self. I find myself running away, running away from everything that surrounds me, running away from myself. My heart is constantly heavy and cold. My spirit feels tired and weary, it is drifting away. The will to survive seems to be lost, it has escaped my frail grasp. My reflex to hold on is vanishing. No matter who surrounds me, I still feel lonely. Sometimes I feel, my life is becoming a puzzle of friends, families and loved ones. Loved ones…..that in itself is such an irony…..no one actually loves, without any hidden motives. A part of me is actually dying. Soon all in me will be gone, and soon I will be forgotten. Sometimes the darkness totally devours me. I don’t even feel the urge to resist it, in fact I encourage it, until all hint of light will be gone.
There is an easy breeze. With it I want to have an easy heart and a treasured feeling of love. But this easy breeze is of a lonely life, of nature’s sarcasm and mock. A clammy air on a dark night, along an abandoned empty road of a lifeless land, a flickering lamp post, an autumn in the heart, matching dark clouds, thunder and flashes of lightning. Heavy raindrops – the best camouflage for my tears that have been trapped in the corner of my eyes for eons, waiting to burst out and flow incessantly. Darkness is just so perfect, no one will be able to notice me, standing in solitude, at the same time being able to ignore the world that doesn’t even need my attention. I feel like a lone soul wandering and imprisoned at the same time, in a labyrinth of loneliness.